So, its that time of year once more, the time of year when we all come together to remember our own losses and acknowledge the loss that others around us have endured also.
Of course, if you’re someone who has been through baby or infant loss then you know it is simply not just one hour, one day, one week, or one month of the year that you remember and often grieve for that child. This is something that affects us for the rest of our lives, but BLAW is there for the whole world to acknowledge and respect.
Last year I wrote a detailed piece about how I had just suffered my most recent miscarriage in the previous weeks. I was 10 weeks gone and I handled the miscarriage naturally at home. Of course it was an awful ordeal for both myself and my husband I thought at the time that I was handling things really well considering. After all, I was a bit of an old hand that this type of thing with this having been my sixth miscarriage.
It was only after I hit that publish button and then read back through what I’d written that I realised that I wasn’t OK, that I wasn’t ready to share yet, that everything was still so raw so I deleted the post.
In actual fact, I still don’t think I’m ready to share the full facts of what happened with everyone. My husband and I dealt with what needed to happen at the time and then I asked him to finalise things. That’s it. I haven’t asked any further questions of him since as I am simply not ready to hear the answer. For now, I’m quite happy to stay where I am.
This Year I have been absolutely honoured to work with Pink Sorbet in the promotion of these Angel Wings hoodies in support of Tommy’s the Baby Charity with £5.00 from the sale of each one being donated to the Charity. Its not to late to get yours just go to Pink Sorbet Here
A similar thing happened to a friend recently. She was reading everyone else’s stories regarding baby loss and felt pressurised into sharing her own. The truth is though that she wasn’t ready to share. The pain was still too great. you know what, this is OK too. It’s OK to deal with things your own way and in your own time. Its a very personal thing and no one can predict or tell you how you will act or feel.
I’ve shared my experiences with ectopic pregnancy, missed miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage and IVF and I truly hope that others can read my story and not only empathise and relate, but that there are others out there that are perhaps new to this, and that they see what I have been through and they realise that there are others of us out there just like them and that they are not alone in what they are going through and facing and importantly that there is support available to them.
When I lost my first baby it was due to an ectopic pregnancy. That honestly was one of the darkest times of my life. I realised then that this type of thing doesn’t just happen to other people that it can happen to me too. I felt so alone and I was completely broken following on from this and it took a lot for me to feel ready to try again. I remember my elderly neighbour sitting with me one day in the following weeks and saying to me that one day I might be able to help others, that my loss may help me to help them. I couldn’t envision this at the time and thought she was clearly quite mad! its only now some 14 years on that I feel ready to do just that and I truly hope that my sharing my own experiences that I am helping others.
I’ve been posting on my Instagram over the past week different things about Baby Loss and raising Awareness, but do you know one thing that really shocked me and upset me the most? Well, it was how some seem to view Baby Loss like its some sort of competition. I was absolutely horrified by this. How could one person go to another and try and judge them and make them feel bad and say they didn’t have the right to mourn their loss? I honestly really don’t understand that. I had one woman come to me and say that she had been told that her ectopic pregancy somehow didn’t count as it had been an “early loss”. The loss might not have meant much to the other person, but to the couple going through it, it was their baby, their hopes and dreams for the future and meant everything to them. So sometimes please just think before you speak.
Today the news has broken that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are expecting their first child in the Spring. Whist the majority of the world will be rejoicing at this news, I know that there are others out there who will feel like they have just been punched in the gut and who will cry about the seemingly unfairness of it all. One thing that always struck me during my own fertility struggles and losses was how easily everyone else around me seemed to fall pregnant and I know there are a lot of you out there that are feeling this same way today. Its not that you are unhappy for them, but more that you are so bitterly unhappy for yourself. My heart goes out to you, it honestly does. Its a truly awful way to feel.
Whilst I can say that I am happy for the Royal couple with their baby news today, I do perhaps think that their timing could of been a little better. It seems to be to be a bit misguided to announce the news of an upcoming Royal baby on a day of international remembrance of Baby Loss. I guess they weren’t aware and perhaps someone should have had a quiet word!
Ultimately, I think that BLAW should not only be about raising awareness in others, but it should also be about reaching out to others and saying hey its OK not to be OK sometimes and that with the right support you will get through this.
As today marks the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week and the International Wave of Light, can I please ask you all to light a candle at 7pm tonight if not in remembrance of your own loss, but in solidarity and by way of respect and compassion and understanding for others who have been through the pain of loss.
Love and light to you all…..